Saturday, June 14, 2008

The Continuing Disappointment that is Battlestar Galactica

I will not rehash my full displeasure with the recent episodes of Battlestar Galactica, but since the half-season just ended, and I am, as I've pointed out before, committed to watching this thing to the end despite the plummeting quality of its plot and dialog, I'd just like to throw a few questions out into the universe:

How did Diana know that the 5th of the final 5 was not in the fleet? Did she do a full census? If so, that's amazing, because the colonial leaders were never even able to do that -- hence all them hidden cylons, even after their model was "known." Yet her full knowledge of who the final 5 were was supposed to come from seeing their faces in the vision. So does the 5th of the final five not even appear human? Does s/he look like a Talaxian or something? Or is a character who was "famous" and who was "killed"? Or was it that the 5th was "part of the fleet but currently standing on the base ship," in which case that line goes down as the most BS dialog in BSG for all time.

Why are they playing Admiral Adama for a sobbing emotional wreck? It doesn't feel real in the slightest. Nor does Roslyn's feeling bad for Baltar after he admits to being the cause of death of the majority of the human race. Also, since when is bandage or not-bandage a life or death decision? I mean, that bandage was leaking anyway -- but taking it off will cause his death? And even if we did believe that, how does he get away with thanking her for "not murdering me" as opposed to "not letting me die"?

I'm getting so sick of exposition in the dialog that I can hardly watch a scene without my eyes rolling out of my head: does everyone have to say exactly what "strategery" is going into every move before they make it? Can't we follow action instead of explanation? And can't situations flow organically from one to the next instead of a character jumping up and going "this story needs conflict! Therefore I will totally do something wild and crazy just to give us a few cliff-hanger scenes along the trajectory of a situation that will be neatly resolved -- with little to no effect on the rest of the story -- in less than an episode!" (eg: the hostage situation; the counter-hostage situation; the happy-fun-friends make-up session in front of the mystery viper). The speed with which the 4 known members of the "final five" are accepted into the colonial family ("I've granted them amnesty!" Lee Adama's dialog helpfully explicates) makes a mockery not just of Callie's death, but of the suspense built-in since the last episode of season 3, and felt by all we gullible viewers who were hoping for that good, good story from seasons 1 & 2 to continue.

The fact that they got the fleet to "Earth" gives a lot of people the out to stop watching (although it could, of course, not be Earth, and it definitely seems as though it won't be their final destination). The fact that "Earth" was blistering in the gray of a nuclear winter was very "Planet of the Apes" -- at least a twisted Lady Liberty at the end there would have given us a laugh (and it's only 1/100th as dumb as ending a season on "All Along the Watchtower" -- oh, there's a thought: Bob Dylan is the final cylon), and that was probably the best turn of the whole season. That and Sol Tigh asking to be blown out an airlock -- now that's a true-to-character, real plot moment (one that they of course wasted as quick as they could, much like they wasted the previous episode's initially-cool "Roslyn speaks to dead people during the jump" sequence, by quickly beating it to death).

Oh BSG writers, get your shit together. I so desperately want to enjoy this show I can't even tell you. You gotta stop slopping it up!


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